IT'S THE HILARIOUS AND NEW "DO YOU HAVE THESE SYMPTOMS?" SERIES
"THIS IS YOUR LIFE!" SERIES ... NEW, UNDERWAY, AND HILARIOUS!
Friday
Dec282012

SUBSTITUTE TEACHERS

 

"SUBSTITUTE TEACHERS"

$500

36 x 36 inches

Acrylic and oil on canvas

 

I've been a substitute teacher so I understand this fascinating creature.

The gal is more concerned about being a buddy than a teacher, but don't cross her. She scratches and bites ... and seems to know a suspicious and goodly amount about mental health.

The grizzled veteran is the classic retired guy ... now a dedicated sub, bravely sporting a bow tie around a bunch of teenagers ... who's deeply concerned about the academic, social, and emotional success of his victims ... uh ... students.

Right.

 

THE CHICK'S MESSAGES ...

I'm coming off a bad relationship ... that's why I moved here.

What's up with that freakin' Jimmy Foster kid.

I am not a fornicator!

I'm not a babysitter or prison guard, oh-kay?

This one guy stalked me for seven years.

Please don't tell the regular teacher I did that.

There's no cure for that one.

It's where you sit in a circle with the others and tell your nastiest secrets.

I'm renting right now.

Never marry a Navy SEAL.  Ever.

I've got all of her albums.

Five different guys have asked me to marry them.

Third period was hell.  Every one of those guys seemed insane.

I was a cheerleader for like two days.

Sure, I've got some cigarettes.

Whatever.

Y'all suck.

 

THE OLD VETERAN'S MESSAGES ...

Buster, you're messin' with the wrong Indian.

No, I don't have a condom you can borrow.

Go ahead, tell your mother I called you a loser.  I'm over at Hickory Springs tomorrow anyway.

I worked for IBM for twenty-eight years.

My oldest son works at Red Lobster.

I've got a funny feeling your parents don't have any manners either.

You say you've already done all these worksheets?

I know your mother from church.

Fart all you want, cowboy ... my paybacks are hell.

I still don't trust the Russians.  Or Eskimos.

What's that?  Oh, when I'm not subbing I restore old fishing poles and for the last sixteen years I've been writing a book about my neighbors.

In my opinion, "sucks" is a cuss word, so you three have been in trouble for the last forty-five minutes.

 

DETAIL . . .